i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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