I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
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Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
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Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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