wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
