I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
