Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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