Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
