oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
