It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
