my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
