life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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