He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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