i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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