We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
