Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize