Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
