Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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