He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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