i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
