Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
