I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
