Too much gin, very little bucket
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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