I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
