Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
