he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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