im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
