just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
