Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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