they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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