I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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