That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
