How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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