I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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