seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
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I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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