she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
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I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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