Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
