two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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