Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
