I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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