Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
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