she was so not down for the gang bang
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
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he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
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It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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