Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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