In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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