I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
