so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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