I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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