Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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