there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
