i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
