I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
