just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Moan for me like Helen Keller
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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