It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
