I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
