Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
