I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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