I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
