they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
