operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
