so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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