sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
