we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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