I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
