Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
