God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
