thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
